As I sit here scrolling through Instagram, it hit me how we are constantly being programmed, even through positive messages. “Find yourself someone who makes you smile at nothing when you’re at work.” On one hand, I have a relationship like that and it’s great and I want it for everyone. That’s okay. On the other, it invokes this sense of anxiety if you don’t currently have a relationship like that…. but maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship right now. That’s okay too.
I have had the privilege of experiencing a lot of the things that supposedly make us happy. I have a loving and fulfilling relationship. I have a job that pays well and money in the bank. I have three well behaved children who are healthy and loved by many. I have a family who loves me, even though we disagree over issues like religion and my choice in a female life partner.
To many on the outside, it appears I may “have it all”, so it would be surprising to learn I still struggle with feeling happy. I still worry I’m not fulfilling my life’s purpose. I still fear losing my partner or one of my children. I still struggle with getting enough sleep, having dark circles, and multiplying gray hairs.
Perfection is not the point, most of us know that, but do we also know that the next best thing is not the point? Do we know that what everyone else thinks is also not the point? Being happy all the time is not realistic, even the most successful people aren’t happy all the time. Not knowing your purpose is okay, even Mother Teresa doubted her purpose. Feeling down or lost is okay, Albert Einstein struggled his entire life with feeling accepted and understood.
One is the best things I ever discovered about myself (and humanity in general) is that we are our own “worst” programmers! We are the ones who are constantly comparing ourselves to others and gobbling up self-help advice to “fix” ourselves. And it’s not really our fault – of the many various programs our brains, bodies, and subconscious minds run, did you know we are actually biologically programmed to seek novelty as well as stability? Talk about being pulled on two different directions! I have a diagnosis of ADHD and it is thought that the novelty seeking drive is actually stronger in those with ADHD. I wondered for years why I always seemed to be so dissatisfied with my life when others had less and seemed perfectly happy.
Nowadays, when I feel that itch of boredom and restlessness, I remind myself to breathe, sit with it, and ask questions. Am I really unsatisfied? Do I really feel I made a bad decision or am I just seeking a quick adrenaline fix because it blocks out the fear for a while? There have been times that I did, in fact, make a bad decision… But most of the time, I’m letting my fear get in the way of the truth.
I say all this just to encourage you all to remember to be kind to yourselves and give yourself a break. You’re human and that’s okay, you’re human on purpose.It’s okay to feel bored, it’s okay to feel unsatisfied, those are all very normal, it’s what propels us toward growth. It’s also okay to crave stability and routine, it keeps us grounded. However, if it’s chronic and interferes with your life, maybe it is time to consider a change. I would encourage any of you who are at that level to seek out a trusted advisor and/or a good therapist to talk it through.
Love to you all.